So, where were you yesterday?

For those that want to know, and for those that asked, here’s what happened to me this Wednesday.

I had a wonderful, busy Tuesday. Got home at about 12pm from an enjoyable MathsJam, where over the 4 hours I drank just 2 pints of Guiness, (the first time I’d had a drink since 2 months ago, at a previous MathsJam). I then set about trying to get something to eat, quickly catching up on twitter, and then getting stuff ready for tomorrow morning. I had a 9am start, which involves me waking up at about 7:30 and rushing to hopefully catch a bus that will hopefully be there in time. I set two alarms, one for 6:30 to boost me awake, and the next for 7:30. I climbed in to bed at quarter to 1, and manged to get to sleep at 1:30, which wasn’t bad for me. I knew I would be very tired in the morning, but I was optimistic about getting in on time.

What actually happened was that I slept through both, all the way to 11:30. I had missed all the lectures, but I could still make the tutorial, and maybe see friends. But for the life of me, I could barely move. Not only was I still incredibly tired, I could hardly move a muscle, it was as if I was frozen in place. It took me ages to try to haul myself to sit upright and try to get dressed. But then I stood up to find some jeans to wear, and then I just collapsed. My legs just seemed to give up, and I dropped to the floor and ended up in an uncomfortable position that I just didn’t have the energy to do anything about. It was already 12, and was sat that till about 12:30, where I tried to move, and fell forwards onto the pile of clothes on the floor. I just lay there for half an hour. Totally exhausted. I eventually moved, and crawled back into bed. I woke up sometime later, my body still almost immovable. I looked at the time; 19:00. I was amazed. I’d slept for about 16 hours in total then, and was still ruined. I’ve spent the rest of the day exhausted, I sat on twitter for a while, and did practically nothing except eat a takeout. I just didn’t have the energy for anything else.

The worrying part is that this sort of thing happens to me a lot, seemingly at random. It happened last monday and last saturday, and I think for many years previously. It just seems to have become more frequent recently. I have no idea what is going on, but the following is some tedious speculation on my part.

I tried searching through symptoms, but the internet is hardly the best source. And nothing quite seems to fit. I suppose I should go to a doctor, but I don’t know who or where one is. And to be honest, I’m nervous going to places at the best of times. I’m definitely nervous about going to a doctor to explain that I am, what “Tired and exhausted”? I hardly feel justified in that, when there are probably people with more important issues, where they at least have an idea what is wrong with them.

I wonder if I am too desperate to seek a medical justification for this, at least so that I have an answer to questions that isn’t just “I don’t know! I just miss whole days randomly.” A nice simple disease, or an ailment would be nice, one that’s easily curable or at least easily pronounceable. But I fear the answer won’t be as easy as that. I currently worry that I’m just burning myself out with University work, and then on certain days my mind can’t think any more and just crashes. But I don’t know about that, it seems to paint me as a hardworking person, and I know for a fact that I can be a lazy git. Other people seem to manage this easily. I know plenty of people, all of whom have the same, or more, work that I have. And they seem to manage to do it all, and go out at night, without collapsing to a heap. So, why can’t I?

I really hope this isn’t something I just have to learn to live with, or I’m screwed.

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