This Blog

I use this blog for many things, but I sadly find it rare that I have something I want to say. I mean there is plenty of stuff I can put here, but writing takes a lot of time, effort and, very often, a spark of creativity to word a sentence right. So, working up the desire to sit down and try to wrangle words to convey how I feel about something requires passion. Now, not much passion, but more than I have for the vast majority of the things I could write about. There are things I’d like to say, but that I wouldn’t want to read or want anyone else to read for that matter. The just random thoughts on life and suchlike. And my interest and feelings about them appear and fade constantly. Writing a blog post where the things you say, (about your own feelings!), that is out of date in a few hours is probably not a good use of writing time!

Of course I still seem to write, angsty, somewhat whining blog posts. But I only seem to write those when I’m in that mood. It’s something at the time that I want to write about, and want to read about. However, I hope I’ve written those sorts of posts with some humour still left. So that you, and less moody me, can read it and laugh at this slightly exaggerated version of myself. Though, I’m glad I stash these away here, where you can read only if you want to. Rather than being more open about it on Twitter or Facebook.

Though, if there’s one practical use this blog has above all the others, it’s getting practice writing. Writing is great, it’s an easier way of saying my thoughts and ideas than speaking. For the simple reason that I’m quite clumsy when speaking, I trip over my words and sometimes I stop being able to concentrate on what I’m saying. Writing and, in particular, typing are great because I can constantly see how something sounds, and edit it so what I say is the best I could have said it. Which is a warning to those who only know me online: If you ever saw me in real life, and tried to speak to me, I might be a disappointment relative to whatever opinion you might have made of me. I could say you would find me to as the unpolished diamond. But it’s more comparable to say that, upon closer inspection, I’m merely Quartz.

Despite my preference for writing, I still make lots of mistakes in what I write, and wish I’d written it better or I wish I’d seen how it might be taken the wrong way. So, I’d like to practice and perhaps experiment with writing a bit. Even if just to cut down on the vast amount of emotions, particularly :P, that I use so often to try to convey that I am actually joking.

But, the nicest part of blogging is finding out I actually enjoy blogging. It’s not just something I do to get something out of my system. It can just be a fun thing to do. It’s a similar realisation to “Hey, I actually like doing Physics”, but that’s a blog for another time!

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On Goodbyes

I’m very bad at goodbyes. Though, not in the stereotypical way of crying or whatever. I’m fine with saying goodbye to someone, it’s not a sad thing, after all, it’s a sign good times were had. But, and this is possibly beyond even stereotypical nerdery, I feel awkward when it comes to goodbyes with women.

Let me clarify, saying goodbye to the guys involves 2 things. Saying a goodbye and then often a firm handshake. But with women, I can say the goodbye, that’s easy, but I can’t decide on what to do along with that. All I know for certain is that it is NOT a handshake. panicked and did that once, it was incredibly awkward. I should never have done that. But going for a hug is terrifying, it has a huge possibility of creeping someone out. And I really don’t want to be ‘That guy’ the one that creeps people out. It’s possibly my biggest source of awkwardness, the knowledge that I could do something, quite by accident, that makes someone feel uncomfortable. Worse, it could be a lasting effect. The idea that my very presence might make someone feel uncomfortable is sickening. And I’d probably be oblivious to this, because I don’t think anyone would say a thing.

The worst part of this is being unable to decide on the spot whether a hug is appropriate. The awkwardness is often enhanced by shaking the hand of a guy you know well, and then realising that the next person you should greet is a woman, and not knowing if to go in for a hug or not. I mean, what else do you do. A handshake, we have already established is awkward. But a hug could be awkward and not doing anything at all, when you’ve already started on the handshakes is also super awkward. It’s a difficult problem.

Don’t however, do my solution of “Well, I’ll buy myself time and just deal with shaking the guy’s hands, and then I’ll hopefully have decided what to do after that.” Because it turns out that’s even worse. I felt it as I turned past her to the other guy. The feeling of: “Shit, that was stupid.” I did eventually finish the hugs goodbye and then stood there awkwardly, said goodbye again and then ran.

Why yes, I am still single, however did you guess?

Who’s Sheldon?