On Goodbyes

I’m very bad at goodbyes. Though, not in the stereotypical way of crying or whatever. I’m fine with saying goodbye to someone, it’s not a sad thing, after all, it’s a sign good times were had. But, and this is possibly beyond even stereotypical nerdery, I feel awkward when it comes to goodbyes with women.

Let me clarify, saying goodbye to the guys involves 2 things. Saying a goodbye and then often a firm handshake. But with women, I can say the goodbye, that’s easy, but I can’t decide on what to do along with that. All I know for certain is that it is NOT a handshake. panicked and did that once, it was incredibly awkward. I should never have done that. But going for a hug is terrifying, it has a huge possibility of creeping someone out. And I really don’t want to be ‘That guy’ the one that creeps people out. It’s possibly my biggest source of awkwardness, the knowledge that I could do something, quite by accident, that makes someone feel uncomfortable. Worse, it could be a lasting effect. The idea that my very presence might make someone feel uncomfortable is sickening. And I’d probably be oblivious to this, because I don’t think anyone would say a thing.

The worst part of this is being unable to decide on the spot whether a hug is appropriate. The awkwardness is often enhanced by shaking the hand of a guy you know well, and then realising that the next person you should greet is a woman, and not knowing if to go in for a hug or not. I mean, what else do you do. A handshake, we have already established is awkward. But a hug could be awkward and not doing anything at all, when you’ve already started on the handshakes is also super awkward. It’s a difficult problem.

Don’t however, do my solution of “Well, I’ll buy myself time and just deal with shaking the guy’s hands, and then I’ll hopefully have decided what to do after that.” Because it turns out that’s even worse. I felt it as I turned past her to the other guy. The feeling of: “Shit, that was stupid.” I did eventually finish the hugs goodbye and then stood there awkwardly, said goodbye again and then ran.

Why yes, I am still single, however did you guess?

Who’s Sheldon?